Why Do We 'Feel' What We Do?

Feelings. Emotions. They are the very things that involuntarily drive us. They have a profound effect on us.

I just finished watching a movie called ‘No Reservations’ starring Catherine Zeta Jones, and I have to admit that I’ve watched a number of her movies yet this has got to be one of the best. Even the lead male actor in it is someone I’ve never really enjoyed watching, until this movie.

I've yet to come across words that can truly describe how we feel. Words simply don’t do the way that we feel, justice.

Have you ever had times when your throat constricts, heart starts pumping, a searing pain erupts in your chest, you want to pass out yet you remain conscious and a feeling of utter dread/sadness/disappointment/fear (whatever rings true for you) descends upon you?

If you answered yes, I’d wager you aren't the only one.

The way we feel can be so overpowering that a lot of the time we look for different ways to numb it. Feeling it is just way too painful sometimes. Alcohol, sex, drugs and more drugs (including the medical kind) to mention a few are things that we sometimes turn to, to help numb the unbearable emotions we feel.

• We feel both the 'good' & the 'Ugly'

What about the feelings that we can’t get enough of? Being with loved ones. Being intimate with that person who rocks our socks off. Figuring out what we want to do with our life. Finding our purpose, to keep fighting the daily fight. Those days are in demand and we can’t get enough of.

We don’t usually have one without the other. There are the things that can make us feel so good we want to pass out from happiness/ecstasy/relief. Then there are things that can make us wish we’d disappear/sink//melt/die, anything so as to no longer feel the unbearable.

I wish I had a hold on my feelings and emotions. That I could control them. Switch them on when I need to, and then off when needed. That way all of the ‘uncertainty’ in my life where my emotions were concerned would no longer be so. I could choose what I feel when, where, how, why and with who I feel them with. No more uncontrollable tears or cares about anything/anyone outside of myself. No more ‘unwanted and unnecessary’ emotions and feelings that drive me whether I choose to feel them or not.

I’d be ‘free’.

Or would I?

Our feelings and emotions, though they are forever changing and never remain constant, are what add spice, mystery, and adventure to our lives. Since they are involuntary, not only do we not know what’s around the corner for us, we also don’t know how we’ll ‘react’ to it. Which is exciting albeit a little scary at times. We get bored so easily which is another reason why our lives are always ‘changing’. They never stay the same nor will they. Time is the factor that isn't on our side. It doesn't change the fact that things always change despite it though.

I read the other day how ‘routine and constant consistency’ can be soul killers. (something down those lines) That’s why the monotonous ‘7 – 8 work schedule’ stuck at doing something we don’t enjoy is what really drives a person insane. Then what do we have to show for it after that? What’s next? an early grave?

That’s why how we feel is so important. Our emotions matter. They aren't trivial. They can be as freeing as they can be lethal.

Do what you enjoy. You can earn a living doing what you enjoy, sometimes we are our biggest barriers. And that goes for me too. I’m not there yet….working to it.

Our feelings and emotions are our humanity.

• Don't 'deny' yourself. When you do, just like a dormant volcano, you finally erupt

Feel. Feel your heart. Feel your emotions to the bottom of your heart. If we refuse to acknowledge when we feel bad, then what makes us have the right to experience our emotions when we feel good? As much as we have that need and want to feel and enjoy our orgasm we have to accept that monster of an emotion when it surfaces..the one we want to crawl away from, has to be felt too.

There is no up without down. Left without right. Good without bad. Positive without negative.

Feelings are involuntary and actions are voluntary. So though we may feel something, we do have the choice on whether to act on it or not. As long as we go with our heart, we won’t go wrong. One of the times we should trust our gut over our heart is when it comes to logic. Other than that…the heart is where the secret lies. It’s sentimental. It will let us know when something is right or wrong. Our guts point us in the right direction and our hearts let us know whether it’s right or wrong.

What I find fascinating about our feelings is that they are so strong and yet they remain underneath our surface. We could smile, concealing our pain. And so we can go about life with no one being the wiser to what’s actually going on with us. We could be jubilantly happy or extremely sad and no one knows other than the person experiencing those feelings.

• Without our emotions, their'd be no 'rain & sunshine' in our lives

It’s a little heartbreaking really. Our feelings are what connects us, what we all feel and yet it’s the one thing that we hide from the world. That we hide from each other. And if we were to show how we actually feel then there must be something ‘wrong’ with us. We don’t fit the ‘norm’ and so we need to be ‘fixed’.

That’s all nonsense really. Could you imagine how many less suicides we might have if we were actually encouraged to share how we truly feel? And not be marked as ‘abnormal’ or not strong enough to hide our feelings for doing so? Hiding our feelings is the easy route. Showing how we genuinely feel can be hard.

How about feeling how you feel without feeling guilty for doing so?! Whatever those feelings are they are yours to feel as you wish, choose and need to. It’s your body. Your emotions. You’re the one who needs to live with them and the actions that derive from them. So feel them and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Sometimes It’s easy to look around us and see certain ways of life depicted to us as though ours should be like that too when a lot of the time it’s done to sell something or isn't even based off a functioning individuals’ life. So scrap the norm. Feel what you do, before it builds up to the extent that you can’t ‘feel’ it anymore even if you tried to. As you realise that what you thought you should do, or the life you thought you ‘should’ be living isn’t ‘real’. You’re real. Your feelings. Your emotions. Your heart. The whole of you is real and you owe it to yourself to feel, and be who you are without the need to ‘explain’ yourself or find ‘fault’ in yourself.

Fake smiles, Fake laughs, Fake small talk, Fake interactions, Fake people. We all come across that at some point, that isn't the majority though.

You’re real. You always have been. As you’re real on the outside, be real on the inside too. Don’t deny your emotions and feelings. You deserve more than that. You will brave the storms as you’ve always done then enjoy the sunshine. You’re incredible. Need I say more?!

Jay's Tidbit: I find that feelings can be overwhelming at times, though as one of my readers reminded me, that though they can't be seen on the surface, they are very real. I found that actually feeling them felt better then the years I spent suppressing them. Feelings and emotions are as important as the air we breathe.