Have We Used Up All Our Happy?
Have We Used Up All Our Happy?
Sorry Callie, I had to steal that line. Greys Anatomy. Now there's a show I can never get enough of. There's hardly a time I've watched it and not cried...*sigh*
Oh well on to happier notes; How are YOU today? Honestly? how are you holding up and how's everything going with you? You're welcome to share in the comment section...
The truth is that I've been thinking of running. Away. Far. Away. From everything. Life. Work. Non-existent love. Heartbreak. Especially heartbreak. I felt tired. Of trying. Staying strong. Calm. Together. It gets too much sometimes. Sometimes I think how nice it would be for everything to fall together instead of apart.
In some parts of the world the flowers are blooming and in others, falling. Somewhere right this second a life is being born. Someone is making love. Someone is crying. Dying. A whole mixture of a million things happening all in one moment in different parts of the world all oblivious to each other.
So I'm going to stay. And have another shot at remaining strong. How about it? Would you like to join me?
When we have internal pains/wounds that don't heal fast enough, we sometimes try separating ourselves from the pain physically when it can't be done mentally/emotionally. Hoping that maybe, just maybe it will make the pain lessen. It won't be so hard and painful. Maybe it will finally stop. And we can finally breathe a little easier. Isn't that something though?! When it's good it's Real good and when it's bad it's terrible. No wonder we're always looking for 'highs'. And so when everything plummets and we can't get out of a rut we sometimes think of running. Yet it solves nothing. Life always catches up to us no matter where we are and what we're doing. The pain remains. Unless we face it full on. When we run or bottle it up, its like lighting a dormant volcano. It's bound to erupt. There's no running from it.
We Are Awesome. I mean truthfully, I don't know how to put the exact sensation of how it feels, into words. I feel humbled. Blessed. And yet at the same time still a little lost. The image that comes to mind is one of a stripped white and grey scarf. The white being the good and the grey being the hardships. So they are balanced out in a way. Hence I've never been dished out more than I can bear in my life. I have had equal shares of hardships as I have extraordinary times so to speak. And so yeah, it's all such a mix that I can't say its good or bad. probably both. So neutral.
I find that when we have good times in our lives, we get so consumed and taken up by it that we never take the time to actually examine whats going on and why. Only when times are hard do we take the time to actually think about what's going on. We usually remember our worst moments easier/quicker than we do our good ones. In the end if we tried weighing each against the other, we would never truly come up with an accurate figure/assumption because we get so much of both in our lives. Good and bad that is. It's as unstable as we are as humans. We're good then we're unashamedly bad. Ups and downs as I call them.
No matter what happens in my life, there is something that's remained with me for as long as I can remember.
It's Hope.
It's always been with me. Even when I lose all sense of things when I'm at my worst and the pain is too bearable to stand, somewhere deep within my heart I have ALWAYS had this tiny glimmer of hope. Gratefully years on and I believe it's still there somewhere. It's probably what helps keep my sanity really. I used to look at the stars and wish. Simply make silent wishes and they came true. And until now I have such a fascination with the earth and the sky, stars & moon. Every day that I go to work, there's a moment I get at the end of each day when approaching home, when I get to look at the sky and every single night that I remember to look up I reflect and think to myself: 'Wow simply wow! Gosh is the sky beautiful' and it's at that moment that I marvel and know that its the epicenter of my day and I feel that each and every time. Whether it's cloudy, rainy, or clear... the sky gives me a kind of peace. It's always been there for as far as I can remember from when I was little and I used to feel sad and I would look up...
Not much has changed in that regard for me.
Time really doesn't heal. Nothing concrete can be put towards what heals a person as it differs for every one. I think that I'm finally at a point where I'm actually accepting my wounds. I'm starting to accept. Not be fine with but atleast acknowledge everything. And its slightly relieving. For the 1st time since starting my blog I have started saying: 'I'm Ok or I'll Be Ok' and truly mean it.
Every single day I've gone through the motions of living without actually living! I would wake up, eat, drink, go toilet, speak to people, smile, then sleep, wake up and do it all over again. Everything used to hurt. Constantly. Like having an open wound that there was no cure for and so I would simply go through the pain every second of every day in agony and yet get used to the usual dull ache. There was simply nothing to do about it. No one could see it. Even I couldn't. It was simply always there and I was constantly aware of it. It was my burden to bear. In my previous posts that I briefly browsed yesterday, realised how down I always sounded. I always started with I feel horrid though i don't always feel that way which was true it wasn't all the time though it was pretty darn close.
It still hurts though somehow now for the 1st time I actually feel as though maybe just maybe I'll be alright somehow. We will be alright.
It was warm and sunny today so I went to the park and it was quiet and calming. I lied down on the grass flat on my back, crossing my arms behind my head, closed my eyes with my face facing the sun and felt at complete ease wondering why I'd never done it before. It felt exhilarating simply taking some time to myself to be happy being me and feeling joy in my own skin. it was breathtakingly peaceful. I felt happy.
If you're having an 'up' period in your life then enjoy it. Cherish it. Don't worry about what will be, might be or was. Enjoy and most importantly appreciate and be grateful/heedful of your now. Nothing is forever. Hence if you're going through a 'down' then also remember that this too will pass. Either way don't forget to take some time off to Be and Do YOU! It's the one thing a lot of us don't do anymore that we should do more of. We're the ones who take the knocks life gives us so why shouldn't we take time to take care of us.
There is one thing that life has taught me. It's one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned.
It's to Never say Never.
That's it. It may seem like a simple lesson until you learn it the hard way which I have, you later get to see the wisdom behind it. And if not, then there is still a lot of wisdom we have yet to gain.
That's it for now. I will hopefully write to you sooner than later.
Lots of love as usual, share it, dice it, slice it! There's enough for everyone.
(Oh yeah and Jay's Tidbit: No matter where you are in life, remember that there is a person in this world thinking and caring about you and you're NEVER ALONE even if it feels as though you are! I'm here and always sending love your way.)
Jay
Sorry Callie, I had to steal that line. Greys Anatomy. Now there's a show I can never get enough of. There's hardly a time I've watched it and not cried...*sigh*
Oh well on to happier notes; How are YOU today? Honestly? how are you holding up and how's everything going with you? You're welcome to share in the comment section...
- Life Gets Hard Sometimes
The truth is that I've been thinking of running. Away. Far. Away. From everything. Life. Work. Non-existent love. Heartbreak. Especially heartbreak. I felt tired. Of trying. Staying strong. Calm. Together. It gets too much sometimes. Sometimes I think how nice it would be for everything to fall together instead of apart.
- To Hell With Running, Life'll Catch Up Anyways
In some parts of the world the flowers are blooming and in others, falling. Somewhere right this second a life is being born. Someone is making love. Someone is crying. Dying. A whole mixture of a million things happening all in one moment in different parts of the world all oblivious to each other.
So I'm going to stay. And have another shot at remaining strong. How about it? Would you like to join me?
When we have internal pains/wounds that don't heal fast enough, we sometimes try separating ourselves from the pain physically when it can't be done mentally/emotionally. Hoping that maybe, just maybe it will make the pain lessen. It won't be so hard and painful. Maybe it will finally stop. And we can finally breathe a little easier. Isn't that something though?! When it's good it's Real good and when it's bad it's terrible. No wonder we're always looking for 'highs'. And so when everything plummets and we can't get out of a rut we sometimes think of running. Yet it solves nothing. Life always catches up to us no matter where we are and what we're doing. The pain remains. Unless we face it full on. When we run or bottle it up, its like lighting a dormant volcano. It's bound to erupt. There's no running from it.
- Lessons Learned Through Experiences Are Always The Most Intense Ones To Learn
We Are Awesome. I mean truthfully, I don't know how to put the exact sensation of how it feels, into words. I feel humbled. Blessed. And yet at the same time still a little lost. The image that comes to mind is one of a stripped white and grey scarf. The white being the good and the grey being the hardships. So they are balanced out in a way. Hence I've never been dished out more than I can bear in my life. I have had equal shares of hardships as I have extraordinary times so to speak. And so yeah, it's all such a mix that I can't say its good or bad. probably both. So neutral.
I find that when we have good times in our lives, we get so consumed and taken up by it that we never take the time to actually examine whats going on and why. Only when times are hard do we take the time to actually think about what's going on. We usually remember our worst moments easier/quicker than we do our good ones. In the end if we tried weighing each against the other, we would never truly come up with an accurate figure/assumption because we get so much of both in our lives. Good and bad that is. It's as unstable as we are as humans. We're good then we're unashamedly bad. Ups and downs as I call them.
No matter what happens in my life, there is something that's remained with me for as long as I can remember.
It's Hope.
It's always been with me. Even when I lose all sense of things when I'm at my worst and the pain is too bearable to stand, somewhere deep within my heart I have ALWAYS had this tiny glimmer of hope. Gratefully years on and I believe it's still there somewhere. It's probably what helps keep my sanity really. I used to look at the stars and wish. Simply make silent wishes and they came true. And until now I have such a fascination with the earth and the sky, stars & moon. Every day that I go to work, there's a moment I get at the end of each day when approaching home, when I get to look at the sky and every single night that I remember to look up I reflect and think to myself: 'Wow simply wow! Gosh is the sky beautiful' and it's at that moment that I marvel and know that its the epicenter of my day and I feel that each and every time. Whether it's cloudy, rainy, or clear... the sky gives me a kind of peace. It's always been there for as far as I can remember from when I was little and I used to feel sad and I would look up...
Not much has changed in that regard for me.
- Light Shines At The End Of The Tunnel
Time really doesn't heal. Nothing concrete can be put towards what heals a person as it differs for every one. I think that I'm finally at a point where I'm actually accepting my wounds. I'm starting to accept. Not be fine with but atleast acknowledge everything. And its slightly relieving. For the 1st time since starting my blog I have started saying: 'I'm Ok or I'll Be Ok' and truly mean it.
Every single day I've gone through the motions of living without actually living! I would wake up, eat, drink, go toilet, speak to people, smile, then sleep, wake up and do it all over again. Everything used to hurt. Constantly. Like having an open wound that there was no cure for and so I would simply go through the pain every second of every day in agony and yet get used to the usual dull ache. There was simply nothing to do about it. No one could see it. Even I couldn't. It was simply always there and I was constantly aware of it. It was my burden to bear. In my previous posts that I briefly browsed yesterday, realised how down I always sounded. I always started with I feel horrid though i don't always feel that way which was true it wasn't all the time though it was pretty darn close.
It still hurts though somehow now for the 1st time I actually feel as though maybe just maybe I'll be alright somehow. We will be alright.
It was warm and sunny today so I went to the park and it was quiet and calming. I lied down on the grass flat on my back, crossing my arms behind my head, closed my eyes with my face facing the sun and felt at complete ease wondering why I'd never done it before. It felt exhilarating simply taking some time to myself to be happy being me and feeling joy in my own skin. it was breathtakingly peaceful. I felt happy.
If you're having an 'up' period in your life then enjoy it. Cherish it. Don't worry about what will be, might be or was. Enjoy and most importantly appreciate and be grateful/heedful of your now. Nothing is forever. Hence if you're going through a 'down' then also remember that this too will pass. Either way don't forget to take some time off to Be and Do YOU! It's the one thing a lot of us don't do anymore that we should do more of. We're the ones who take the knocks life gives us so why shouldn't we take time to take care of us.
There is one thing that life has taught me. It's one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned.
It's to Never say Never.
That's it. It may seem like a simple lesson until you learn it the hard way which I have, you later get to see the wisdom behind it. And if not, then there is still a lot of wisdom we have yet to gain.
That's it for now. I will hopefully write to you sooner than later.
Lots of love as usual, share it, dice it, slice it! There's enough for everyone.
(Oh yeah and Jay's Tidbit: No matter where you are in life, remember that there is a person in this world thinking and caring about you and you're NEVER ALONE even if it feels as though you are! I'm here and always sending love your way.)
Jay
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