Dealing With Loneliness...
Hiya,
how’re you doing? Ironically I’ve been trying to write at different
intervals during the day today to no avail. Now I’m about to go to sleep
with work in the morning and it’s Now that I find myself being able to
write to you all.
It’s probably because night time is one of the times I feel the most vulnerable. It’s at this particular time that I usually feel this way. That’s probably why.
Loneliness.
*sigh*
I suppose that in a way it’s always around in some way or another. Lurking. Though it’s at night time that I feel it the most. I don’t know about you, for me, all my darkest fears, desires and shame tumble down upon me at night time. Before closing my eyes. I have to admit that the strongest of all of them would have to be Loneliness.
There are different types and I know for a fact that one of the most painful is feeling lonely when you already have someone in your life. Now that’s a killer. Whether you already have someone in your life or not…
Do your most inner thoughts, memories and fears surface at night time? Because mine do. I mean when I think of loneliness I don’t think of unhappiness. Or despair. I don’t relate being lonely to being unhappy. I can’t say that I want for much . So no I don’t think that’s it. I associate loneliness with my deepest and most unspoken need of wishing to have someone in my life. Who I can share my nights & days with. (mind u not all of them though, that would just send me nuts :D )
Have you ever wanted something in your life and believed that if you got that one thing that you’d be exuberantly happy? Then received it, been happy with it to only realise that you wanted more or something else to top it? Or that it came with its fair share of problems/drawbacks? Well that’s the thing isn’t it? There may Always be something else that we want and even believe that we need as human beings yet when we get it our priorities may change. Now this may be true for some, though not for everyone.
I grew up never confiding in anyone. Dealing and experiencing everything on my own and never talking to anyone about it. Have you ever read that some masculine men aren’t that emotional and deal with their pain, fears and needs in their own way without the help of others? And how some feminine women have their girlfriends to talk to and help them deal/talk about their ‘issues’? Well that’s never been the case for me.
Actually I’ve never been able to relate to those kinds of books/articles. Simply because that wasn’t/isn’t the case for me. If anything, I relate more to what’s said about some men and how they deal. That’s more me.
Talking about myself and opening up terrifies me. It makes me so uncomfortable I start squirming internally. My chest actually starts to constrict and it’s almost as though I have a difficult time breathing. I despise it. I literally have a handful of friends and it’s a bit of a relief that they off load everything on to me. I sit quietly as they go through everything that gets to them. And I listen.
When it comes to my friend who is quiet like I am, we can simply sit in comfortable silence enjoying each other’s company without the need to talk about anything fake or anything that makes us uncomfortable. We don’t feel compelled to talk trash just for the sake of talking. My friends are of the few people who I find being around; relaxing and exhilarating.
Unlike how i feel when I'm around others. I'm all smiles and kind words that people actually think that I'm pretty social. That's until you break the surface. Underneath I feel tense and miserable. As though there's an invisible rule that I must abide by. Be social. Talk. Interact. Yet I constantly fret about what to say, how to act and how to keep people around me comfortable enough to feel relaxed around me. Even though I feel a little tortured on the inside. When I run out of things to say, the silence is deafening. I wish that either I or the people around me would just vanish already. I feel a lot more comfortable around people who already know me. Who i don't need to explain why I'm awkward, to.(on that note i gotta add for anyone who can relate, this series by Issa Rae displays a lot of how I feel without actually having to say it which was different and so lovely to watch) So yeah I'm so grateful for my albeit few yet wonderful friends who 'get me'.
What I’m going to admit to you though, is that every single day I silently/secretly wish that i was a little more outgoing and crave having a connection with someone who I can actually open up to. Be myself with. Talk to. Unburden myself with a little. Between you & me, listening to everyone is exhausting at times. It’s possibly why I Do enjoy my ‘Me’ time.
I long for someone who could be as into me as I am into them. That’s not to say that I would be the only one off loading, not at all, I long for a man to open up to me. Talk to me. Be with me. Share the parts of him that society almost forbids us to expose to the world. Just the idea of being able to share that with someone makes me weak me at my knees. It’s such a turn on, it moves me emotionally, physically and mentally. It attracts me. I wish for it. Yearn for it. I’d never tell a soul though.
In some circumstances I think that loneliness can sometimes be detrimental. Simply because it can slowly/surely eat away at a person’s soul at times. Loneliness can bring up some of a person’s deepest fears. And make them feel so real. And painful. To the extent that the person tastes it. With nothing that can be done about it.
I’ve been alone for a while now and like I said earlier; I do enjoy my ‘me’ times. Despite that, a lot of the time I feel extremely lonely. And wish I had that person who could share everything with me and vice versa. I feel it the most at night time before falling asleep. Gosh how I wish I had someone beside me to lie next to, make love to, cherish, love & care about.
The truth is that there isn’t any one specific way to completely get over/deal with loneliness. It’s something that’s there. Sometimes ongoing. The one thing that helps me, is believing in myself. Knowing that as long as I try to be genuine and true to my core then I hopefully won’t/can’t go wrong. In the end there is so much fakery in the world now that it’s understandable that we’re starting to crave authenticity. Be real and true to yourself and you’d find that you automatically draw people to you in droves. And those who can’t deal with originality will be repelled. Who would want that type of person around anyways?
It does pay off to be true to your core (who you are deep down inside your heart.) I secretly wish for more love/connection and know that I have to open my heart up completely to be able to receive that. It’s scary and completely new to me. After all opening up isn’t easy. Opening up means being open to getting hurt. The flip side to that coin is that closing up means also closing off love, understanding, connection and everything else that we crave to have at our core. Though that may be, guess what?! I’m trying. To be more open. Vulnerable. Giving of myself.
Do you want to know how to know whether or not you're being real with yourself? When you’re about to close your eyes at night time (or open them in the morning) and everything you've been suppressing during the day/week/months and for some years, surface. You know which road you sincerely want to take though you haven’t been taking it. Well now is the time to start. Don’t think, just do it. Don’t be scared. You’re here now aren't you? Yeah we mess up then we fix up. So don’t worry.
If you’re lonely, you won’t always be. As long as you stay true to yourself. You know how when you want/need something you want it Right Now?! Well nothing happens before its time. Have you ever looked at people around you and noticed them with things you find yourself having longed for, for ages? Whether it’s your friend who got promoted, got married, had a baby, started a business, moved country, travelled and a whole list of other things?
Continuously remind yourself that things Aren't as rosy as they may look. Why? Simply because every single one of us have our own bunch of problems ect… the list of things that don’t go as expected in a person's life is so long that I wouldn't know where to begin. Remind yourself of that. Whatever stage you might be at in your life, will have its ups and downs.
People may look all happy and content, living in heaven/perfection or whatever things may look like, yet you see how before you go to sleep at night, how everything surfaces? Those people go through similar fears/hardships too. Sometimes our minds wreak havoc and believes what it wishes. So don’t focus on people and their lives, focus on yours. Because when Your time comes you’re going to want to enjoy it which you will.
Sometimes I read how people give up and don’t believe in anything good being out there for them anymore. We bring about what we perceive and believe. So if you believe in good coming your way, it will. If you think everything is for nothing and no good will come your way, then don’t be surprised when it doesn’t.
Everything takes time. Some people find what they were looking for in their teens/early 20’s and others in their 30’s, 40’s+ so be optimistic. Though things can look bleak at times, the sun will still shine when it’s ready to and not before. Try not to be impatient. Things will look up. Life continues to change as long as you embrace it. Your life isn’t the same as it was when you were a child or when you were in your teens, is it? Why? Because change is inevitable. I actually wish I knew this a time ago because it may have saved me a little heartbreak.
Everything I’m saying is as much for me as it is for you. I Also need reminding. Loneliness isn’t easy. Everything we experience teaches us something. I experience loneliness on a regular basis. I hope that it will help me appreciate that void being filled if/when I meet my right person. (I’ll keep you in the loop & update you on it.)*smile*
As I always say. You’re awesome. Remain true to yourself and you can’t but help attracting your right person your way. There are millions of us on this planet. There is definitely more than one person who is right for you in your life who you’re bound to meet. And when you do, loneliness will be a distant memory. Patience is a virtue.
I really adore you all, thanks for reading, & hope you enjoyed it. Like, Shareand Comment if you benefited from my words in any way.
Do you ever feel lonely? If you have any additional ways of helping someone deal with loneliness, let me know in the comments section below.
Until next time,
Ciao
Jay’s Tidbit: When negative thoughts plague my mind, instead of feeling bad about them and having them cripple me into inaction as they used to, now I acknowledge how I’m feeling/thinking, accept that its rubbish and tell myself that I will do better next time and the negatives don’t/wont define me and get the best of me. I fall then try and get back up again.
It’s probably because night time is one of the times I feel the most vulnerable. It’s at this particular time that I usually feel this way. That’s probably why.
Loneliness.
*sigh*
I suppose that in a way it’s always around in some way or another. Lurking. Though it’s at night time that I feel it the most. I don’t know about you, for me, all my darkest fears, desires and shame tumble down upon me at night time. Before closing my eyes. I have to admit that the strongest of all of them would have to be Loneliness.
There are different types and I know for a fact that one of the most painful is feeling lonely when you already have someone in your life. Now that’s a killer. Whether you already have someone in your life or not…
Do your most inner thoughts, memories and fears surface at night time? Because mine do. I mean when I think of loneliness I don’t think of unhappiness. Or despair. I don’t relate being lonely to being unhappy. I can’t say that I want for much . So no I don’t think that’s it. I associate loneliness with my deepest and most unspoken need of wishing to have someone in my life. Who I can share my nights & days with. (mind u not all of them though, that would just send me nuts :D )
Have you ever wanted something in your life and believed that if you got that one thing that you’d be exuberantly happy? Then received it, been happy with it to only realise that you wanted more or something else to top it? Or that it came with its fair share of problems/drawbacks? Well that’s the thing isn’t it? There may Always be something else that we want and even believe that we need as human beings yet when we get it our priorities may change. Now this may be true for some, though not for everyone.
I grew up never confiding in anyone. Dealing and experiencing everything on my own and never talking to anyone about it. Have you ever read that some masculine men aren’t that emotional and deal with their pain, fears and needs in their own way without the help of others? And how some feminine women have their girlfriends to talk to and help them deal/talk about their ‘issues’? Well that’s never been the case for me.
Actually I’ve never been able to relate to those kinds of books/articles. Simply because that wasn’t/isn’t the case for me. If anything, I relate more to what’s said about some men and how they deal. That’s more me.
Talking about myself and opening up terrifies me. It makes me so uncomfortable I start squirming internally. My chest actually starts to constrict and it’s almost as though I have a difficult time breathing. I despise it. I literally have a handful of friends and it’s a bit of a relief that they off load everything on to me. I sit quietly as they go through everything that gets to them. And I listen.
When it comes to my friend who is quiet like I am, we can simply sit in comfortable silence enjoying each other’s company without the need to talk about anything fake or anything that makes us uncomfortable. We don’t feel compelled to talk trash just for the sake of talking. My friends are of the few people who I find being around; relaxing and exhilarating.
Unlike how i feel when I'm around others. I'm all smiles and kind words that people actually think that I'm pretty social. That's until you break the surface. Underneath I feel tense and miserable. As though there's an invisible rule that I must abide by. Be social. Talk. Interact. Yet I constantly fret about what to say, how to act and how to keep people around me comfortable enough to feel relaxed around me. Even though I feel a little tortured on the inside. When I run out of things to say, the silence is deafening. I wish that either I or the people around me would just vanish already. I feel a lot more comfortable around people who already know me. Who i don't need to explain why I'm awkward, to.(on that note i gotta add for anyone who can relate, this series by Issa Rae displays a lot of how I feel without actually having to say it which was different and so lovely to watch) So yeah I'm so grateful for my albeit few yet wonderful friends who 'get me'.
What I’m going to admit to you though, is that every single day I silently/secretly wish that i was a little more outgoing and crave having a connection with someone who I can actually open up to. Be myself with. Talk to. Unburden myself with a little. Between you & me, listening to everyone is exhausting at times. It’s possibly why I Do enjoy my ‘Me’ time.
I long for someone who could be as into me as I am into them. That’s not to say that I would be the only one off loading, not at all, I long for a man to open up to me. Talk to me. Be with me. Share the parts of him that society almost forbids us to expose to the world. Just the idea of being able to share that with someone makes me weak me at my knees. It’s such a turn on, it moves me emotionally, physically and mentally. It attracts me. I wish for it. Yearn for it. I’d never tell a soul though.
In some circumstances I think that loneliness can sometimes be detrimental. Simply because it can slowly/surely eat away at a person’s soul at times. Loneliness can bring up some of a person’s deepest fears. And make them feel so real. And painful. To the extent that the person tastes it. With nothing that can be done about it.
I’ve been alone for a while now and like I said earlier; I do enjoy my ‘me’ times. Despite that, a lot of the time I feel extremely lonely. And wish I had that person who could share everything with me and vice versa. I feel it the most at night time before falling asleep. Gosh how I wish I had someone beside me to lie next to, make love to, cherish, love & care about.
The truth is that there isn’t any one specific way to completely get over/deal with loneliness. It’s something that’s there. Sometimes ongoing. The one thing that helps me, is believing in myself. Knowing that as long as I try to be genuine and true to my core then I hopefully won’t/can’t go wrong. In the end there is so much fakery in the world now that it’s understandable that we’re starting to crave authenticity. Be real and true to yourself and you’d find that you automatically draw people to you in droves. And those who can’t deal with originality will be repelled. Who would want that type of person around anyways?
It does pay off to be true to your core (who you are deep down inside your heart.) I secretly wish for more love/connection and know that I have to open my heart up completely to be able to receive that. It’s scary and completely new to me. After all opening up isn’t easy. Opening up means being open to getting hurt. The flip side to that coin is that closing up means also closing off love, understanding, connection and everything else that we crave to have at our core. Though that may be, guess what?! I’m trying. To be more open. Vulnerable. Giving of myself.
Do you want to know how to know whether or not you're being real with yourself? When you’re about to close your eyes at night time (or open them in the morning) and everything you've been suppressing during the day/week/months and for some years, surface. You know which road you sincerely want to take though you haven’t been taking it. Well now is the time to start. Don’t think, just do it. Don’t be scared. You’re here now aren't you? Yeah we mess up then we fix up. So don’t worry.
If you’re lonely, you won’t always be. As long as you stay true to yourself. You know how when you want/need something you want it Right Now?! Well nothing happens before its time. Have you ever looked at people around you and noticed them with things you find yourself having longed for, for ages? Whether it’s your friend who got promoted, got married, had a baby, started a business, moved country, travelled and a whole list of other things?
Continuously remind yourself that things Aren't as rosy as they may look. Why? Simply because every single one of us have our own bunch of problems ect… the list of things that don’t go as expected in a person's life is so long that I wouldn't know where to begin. Remind yourself of that. Whatever stage you might be at in your life, will have its ups and downs.
People may look all happy and content, living in heaven/perfection or whatever things may look like, yet you see how before you go to sleep at night, how everything surfaces? Those people go through similar fears/hardships too. Sometimes our minds wreak havoc and believes what it wishes. So don’t focus on people and their lives, focus on yours. Because when Your time comes you’re going to want to enjoy it which you will.
Sometimes I read how people give up and don’t believe in anything good being out there for them anymore. We bring about what we perceive and believe. So if you believe in good coming your way, it will. If you think everything is for nothing and no good will come your way, then don’t be surprised when it doesn’t.
Everything takes time. Some people find what they were looking for in their teens/early 20’s and others in their 30’s, 40’s+ so be optimistic. Though things can look bleak at times, the sun will still shine when it’s ready to and not before. Try not to be impatient. Things will look up. Life continues to change as long as you embrace it. Your life isn’t the same as it was when you were a child or when you were in your teens, is it? Why? Because change is inevitable. I actually wish I knew this a time ago because it may have saved me a little heartbreak.
Everything I’m saying is as much for me as it is for you. I Also need reminding. Loneliness isn’t easy. Everything we experience teaches us something. I experience loneliness on a regular basis. I hope that it will help me appreciate that void being filled if/when I meet my right person. (I’ll keep you in the loop & update you on it.)*smile*
As I always say. You’re awesome. Remain true to yourself and you can’t but help attracting your right person your way. There are millions of us on this planet. There is definitely more than one person who is right for you in your life who you’re bound to meet. And when you do, loneliness will be a distant memory. Patience is a virtue.
I really adore you all, thanks for reading, & hope you enjoyed it. Like, Shareand Comment if you benefited from my words in any way.
Do you ever feel lonely? If you have any additional ways of helping someone deal with loneliness, let me know in the comments section below.
Until next time,
Ciao
Jay’s Tidbit: When negative thoughts plague my mind, instead of feeling bad about them and having them cripple me into inaction as they used to, now I acknowledge how I’m feeling/thinking, accept that its rubbish and tell myself that I will do better next time and the negatives don’t/wont define me and get the best of me. I fall then try and get back up again.
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